Two lives to live

I was listening to this Singaporean podcast on the topic of single hood in your 30s and the pressures that comes along with it. One of the common sentiment expressed is that they have much more of life to live before getting married and having children. Marriage and childbearing means putting a dent in your career pursuits a lot of the times, it could also mean losing some of your freedom and independence. This is a sentiment that I can relate to since independence and freedom are things I value very much. That accounted for a lot of the fears I had about motherhood - marriage wasn't so bad maybe because I was idealistic and a romantic. 

Of course some of these fears still remain while I'm pregnant, but it is surprisingly taking a backseat whereas excitement for the future is taking the front seat instead. For example, I worried that the financial burden of having a child meant that we will not be able to afford personal things as freely, but now I am excited to spend on baby. I go into the rabbit hole of strollers and cots in the middle of the night imagining how things would be. Instead of fearing that my body would not 'bounce back' after pregnancy, I am looking forward to achieving a physical goal that I would set for myself after giving birth. Traveling is also another challenge to conquer, as if I would earn a badge of honor if we manage to be a team and come home unscathed. The imagery of us traveling as a little family of three also makes me feel very content. 

This change in mindset is definitely a gift from God since we prayed for it, and perhaps brought on by pregnancy hormones as well. Baby no longer feels like an 'other', but a part of our little family. I feel that instead of having less freedom and independence, we were gifted with more of life to live and experience. Joel said yesterday that parents have two lives to live, and that makes me hopeful for the future to come 💕.

P.S I am 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. Baby is as big as a mango.

Photo taken on 28 September 2024. (Week 16 )