The Joys of Motherhood

Allison is 6 months old now, and we have gone through so much as a family. The early months of motherhood were brutal. But by month 4-5, things began to lighten and joy slowly replaced exhaustion.

Before Allison, I never understood why people would willingly choose to have children. It looked like endless work with very little return. But now I see it differently, the privilege of having a child to love is beyond anything I could have imagined. Sometimes I even catch myself dreaming of having another baby to love.

I have never known love like this before Allison. This overwhelming, all consuming love that takes me by surprise. One night, I crept into her bedroom to slip on mittens and socks on her hands and feet so that she wouldn't be cold. I would never do that for Joel - he can look after himself! But for Allison, these small acts feel sacred. I love her tiny fingers and toes, her silly faces, her baby scent. She is my baby and I love her so much. The things that once felt like burdens - night feeds, carrying her for contact naps, and changing her diapers - now feel like privileges. Love really transforms sacrifice into joy.

“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.” John 16:21

She is now 69cm long. That is still very small but she is no longer the fragile newborn I first held. I hope for her to grow up strong and healthy, but my heart aches a little at how fast she is growing. I already miss her newborn stage. She wouldn't remember any of these early months, but they are etched in me forever.

In spite of these overwhelming feelings, I remind myself that she is not mine to hold forever. She will grow to be her own person, with her own dreams, affections, and choices. She might not even appreciate every effort we poured into her, and that makes my heart ache. But even so, my love for her will remain. To love her as best as I can is my privilege.