Being a Housewife for 3 months

My experience for the past three months has opened my eyes to the abysmal life of a housewife. I am only speaking for myself when I say that the housewife experience has not been as fulfilling and freeing an experience as I thought it might be. There are some perks such as freedom of schedule, and control over my activities much more than when I was employed. Not being confined to a 9-6 job meant that I can wake up at 12 noon if I choose to. 

I am not self assured enough to be free of the pressure to seem productive to the outside eye. When questions on how I have been spending my time is posed, I usually say that I have been traveling, taking time to rest, and learn new skills - which I have been doing, but I also leave out the fact that sometimes I sleep the day away and do nothing productive, or that I finished a whole season of k-drama within a day or two.

Another take away is that even if I put in more effort in the household, my husband won’t love me any more or less. I was resentful at first, but upon reflection realized that it is good that my husband’s love for me is not dependent on my competency as a homemaker. But that makes me wonder what would my motivation to put in more effort be? There is no commission, pay increment or promotion in my home life, even affirmation and affection from my husband is not and should not be guaranteed.

There is this sense of loneliness which comes with the understanding that all work (domestic, commercial or ministry) are done in vain without God, not one is above the other. There is no perfect love from a stranger, friend, superior, relatives, parents, or husband. Only God can be held to such regard but He is not here to tell me I did a good job in cleaning my storeroom, or to tell me a bed time story, or to taste my Japanese curry and tell me it is okay even if the hard boiled eggs I prepared don’t pair as well with curry as compared to scrambled eggs.

Reflections to be continued as far as my unemployment goes.